You're sort of famous

A minor celebrity

And so it only makes sense

The world would be

Obsessed with every

Single thing you do

They're running 'round

With their camcorders in the night

They lurk impatienly

In hope that they just might

See something really embarrassing

You do

The bad hair day and sweat-stained t-shirts

That's the story that

They are gonna feature

With exclusive pics

Of your flabby behind

You think you're all alone

But that's right when you'll find

A bunch of paparazzi

Popping out of nowhere

Cameras in your face

And then suddenly

You're on tmz

You're on tmz

Following you

When you're walking down the street

And asking stupid questions

While you're trying to eat

So you cover your face

Thinking to yourself

"Hey, isn't this creepy?"

And they are there praying

You'll have a big meltdown

And take a mono-lethal car chase

Through this whole town

They'll be there with you

When you're going to jail

First on the scene

For every wardrobe fail

You just picked up some transvestite

Seconds later

It's up on the website

Get a vegas wedding

A quickie divorce

And they'll be

Sneaking in

Snapping pictures, of course

And if they ever catch you

Picking your nose

Or storming down the street

In a drunken spree

You're on tmz

Stalking you, just waiting by a frontal

Trailing you through

Airport security

They were tmz

They were tmz

(We caught this oscar nominee picking up dog poop

Is that a baby back there?

I pronounce you guilty, of leaving the house while fat

Look who's drinking coffee,

Everything celebrities do is fascinating)

Oh, let me tell you

It's getting to the point

Where a famous person can't

Even get a d.u.i

Or go on a racist rant

Those guys are all around

So you really shouldn't dare

Go to every club in town

If you just lost your underwear

Seems that every single time

A star decides to shave her hair

Or ram their car into a tree

They're on tmz

If they catch you peeing in the bushes

Later on, that night

Well, I guarantee

You're on tmz

You're on tmz

You're on tmz

Every single celebrity

Knows they're gonna be

They're on tmz