Once that you've decided on a killing,

First you make a stone of your heart.

And if you find that your hands are still willing,

Then you can turn a murder into art.

There really isn't any need for bloodshed,

You just do it with a little more finesse.

If you can slip a tablet into someone's coffee,

Then it avoids an awful lot of mess.

It's murder by numbers, 1, 2, 3,

It's as easy to learn as your abc.

Murder by numbers, 1, 2, 3,

It's as easy to learn as your abc.

Now if you have a taste for this experience

And you're flushed with your very first success,

Then you must try a twosome or a threesome

And you'll find your conscience bothers you much less

Because murder is like anything you take to

It's a habit-forming need for more and more.

You can bump off every member of your family

And anybody else you find a bore

Because it's murder by numbers, 1, 2, 3,

It's as easy to learn as your abc

Murder by numbers, 1, 2, 3,

It's as easy to learn as your abc.

Now you can join the ranks of the illustrious

In history's great dark hall of fame.

All our greatest killers were industrious

At least the ones that we all know by name.

But you can reach the top of your profession

If you become the leader of the land,

For murder is the sport of the elected,

And you don't need to lift a finger of your hand

Because it's murder by numbers, 1, 2, 3,

It's as easy to learn as your abc.

Murder by numbers, 1, 2, 3,

It's as easy to learn as your a, b, c, d, e,..........