Hey, I'm feeling so dirty, you're looking so clean

All you can give is a spin in your washing machine

I fly off to rome to my prima bella

She leaves me in the rain with telescopic umbrella

Ooh the pain - modern love can be a strain [repeated]

I trusted my venus was untouched in her shell

But the pearls in her oyster were tacky as hell

For lady godiva I came incognito

But her driver had stolen her red hot magneto

Ooh the pain - modern love can be a strain [repeated]

I don't know why they leave me in the lurch

To carry on the search

It's driving me up the wall

Pity when I have so much passion

Romance is out of fashion

Can't handle modern love at all

So I worship diana by the light of the moon

When I pull out my pipe she screams out of tune

In paris my heart sinks when I see the mona lisa

She gives me the wink, then she shows me the freezer

Ooh the pain - modern love can be a strain [repeat till fade]