What do you give someone

Who's already got one of everything you thought would be the perfect

Accoutrement to their unnerving temperament?

Attention...

What could a lowly peasant being like myself

Offer a perfect pleasant savior of humanity

The redeemer of us sickly, sinning hillbillies?

Attention...

Just one more resounding stab at all the others

You've almost blown your cover

But your traps don't stick

One more bottle should do the trick

Discreetly cleansing the remnants of every disdainful quip

You found no escape route

But I know you well enough to hate you now

It's too bad you haven't figured that out

What do you call someone

Who calls you out on diy ethics you don't embody

As he drains his dad and mommy's monthly data plan?

An asshole

With an iphone

I'll admit, I'm in the same boat

Caught between my adolescent safety net

And where the world wants me to be

But I never use that as an excuse

To treat my friends the way that you treat me

Just one more distorted, sad attempt at humor

From the jagged, bleeding tumor in our throat

Malignance at best, and quick to address yourself

As anything other than what we've learned to expect

The patron saint of good god damn

I'll kick myself to sleep

Before I shake that grimy, dirty, crusted, arrogant hand

So please leave my house