I don't do crack

I've never seen cocaine

Unfortunately, I rarely pop an aspirin when in pain

'cause I wanna be

Of alcohol or any drug at all completely free

But I self medicate with tea

Doot da doot doot

I know just where to go to get my fix

The beverage aisle

At starbucks, I confess, I get my kicks

I'm notin denial

My oolong heals, your dealer deals for quite a hefty fee

So I self medicate with tea

Do do do do

It's not that I'm not miserable as any old drunk

My life is no more bearable than any old junkie's

I'd jump out a window, suicide's a sin though

I've found another way

There's no amount I wouldn't pay

To overdose on earl gray or english breakfast

When I'm hopped up on caffeinated chai

I'm feeling the buzz

And when you asked if I'd like to get high

I already was

It's black or green or in between

Sometimes it looks like weed

But my self medicating

Improves my mental stating

I don't need to go to rehab or to set up a meth lab

I may be a cynic but the betty ford clinic

Isn't ever gonna break me from my habit of choice

It's my opium, my xanax, and it's good for my voice

I hope you comprehend my reasoning

Twinings, liptons, even celestial seasonings

Keep you marijuana I've got my own remedy

I self, self medicate with tea

Boom

It's camomile, yeah